If I came with a warning label it would say, “Warning, total transparency ahead. The good, the bad and the ugly. The redeemed, the forgiven, the gracious.”
I was born and raised in a small, fundamental church in Birmingham, AL, where I was taught right from wrong. The list of wrong sins was really long. Without recognizing it, in my heart I believed I had to obey every rule so I could “earn” the love of God.
“All or nothing, pass or fail,” was my standard for judging every area of my life. When I couldn’t live up to all of my own expectations, I labeled myself as “a complete failure.” My self-talk sounded like this; “You can never get anything right, so why bother to try?”
Is it any wonder I became depressed out of my mind?
My thoughts were painful, full of brutal criticism. I said things to myself I would never have said out loud. My internal, condemning words of shame convinced me that God would never want me or love me.
Shame is a crippling internal wound that made me feel flawed for even existing. That toxic feeling of shame was rooted in lies I believed about my lack of value and lies that made God’s love for me conditional. The deep depression I suffered through was fed by the fact that I accepted and embraced these lies as the total truth.
Thoughts of shame overwhelmed and convinced me that I was permanently unacceptable—to God, to others, and to myself. I felt guilty when I made a mistake, but shame told me, “I WAS the mistake.” In College, the first time I attempted to numb my depression by drinking alcohol, I was sure I had destroyed any chance of proving to God that I was lovable.
Feel free to raise your hand if you can relate…
This deception of shame led me into years of addiction. I attempted to self-medicate by drinking to relieve my emotional pain, until I was finally confronted with the fact that I believed God could forgive me, but I was unwilling to forgive myself.
It was at this moment that I realized I had set my standards of forgiveness up as higher than God’s. It has been a journey, but with the love and the support of others, God has supplied the faith, and strength for me to overcome the bondage of self-hatred, depression, and anxiety.
Because of my own struggles, it is the desire of my heart to tell you the truth. If you are like I was, living in captivity to shame, you can find hope and strength in knowing that you don’t have to stay chained to the past. You can be set free! Jesus said:
“If you abide in me and my words abide in you, then you are truly my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”
~ John 8:31-32
I want you to know that you can overcome your shame. You can begin now to accept that God made you as a precious and unique creation. He delights in loving you. You can learn to change your self-talk and confront the lies of shame from your past with the truth.
To begin changing your thoughts, write this truth down and read it several times each day. “God’s acceptance of me and his love for me are not based anything I have thought, said or done, and God has promised:
“I will never leave you or forsake you.”
~ Hebrews 13:5
Yes, Cynthia is an experienced Christian counselor; a compelling speaker; and the inspiring author of “Deceived By Shame, Desired By God,”— but it’s her heart that will reach you; a heart that knows full well what it is to be broken and then restored.
Her transparency captures her listeners, speaks to their pain, and leaves them with new hope that they too can be set free. She shares what she knows firsthand: It is from broken hearts that God shapes His most beautiful mosaic masterpieces.
Learn more about Cynthia on her website!
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the link from Synova to Learn more about Cynthia on her website! did not work. I was disappointed. I wanted to know more about Cynthia.
This article could have been written by me – I have been there, done that, and worn the T-shirt out. Cynthia nails it on the head. We are all unique, precious children of God – with nothing for which to be ashamed. We need to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us. Anything that makes us think anything else is of Satan.
Cynthia puts into words what many of us have felt or still feel. Yes, we are broken and in need of love, acceptance and forgiveness, but we often get stuck at the brokenness, can’t see beyond our lack of worth. Many times, we can’t forgive ourselves . . . I’m there now! I want to break out of those chains and be set free!! I appreciate her transparency.
Wow! Awesome, on-the-spot challenge! I can identify with this story because dealing with shame and forgiving myself have been challenges for me at various timers in my life. We DO have a twisted understanding of God’s constant love, which is not dependent on our behavior but on His everlasting, unchanging love.
Thanks, Cynthia, for reminding me of His constant, amazing love for me, sometimes inspite of myself!