Manners and the Bible

There’s a connection between teaching good manners and the Bible.  SCH contributor Heather Evans teaches that it’s less about using the right fork and more about considering others before ourselves.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4

For our family, summer break means a much needed reprieve from the hustle and bustle of the regular school year. Our mornings are gentle, and evenings relaxed, without the pressures of schoolwork and bedtimes. We are free to break from routine and usher in something new.

For my daughters, this means endless hours of uninterrupted reading and playing with dolls. For my sons, it means rushing through their chores so they can have their daily hour of Wii. For Mommy, this means an opportunity to work on things that have fallen casualty to the steam roller schedule that dominates the rest of our year. It’s a great time to slow down and brush up on some of the basics, like having a truly “quiet” quiet time with the Lord, or making beds . . . every morning.

One of the things I focused on with the children this summer is table manners. I’m glad to say that this is not a big area of struggle; however, there is always room for improvement (even for Mom and Dad). In an effort to make it fun and enticing for all four of my children, ages five to eleven, I came up with a game called “M&M Manners,” wherein everyone (except Dad) is given five M&M’s at the beginning of dinner to set above their plates. Each M&M represents one of the five table manners we are working on at the time. If someone slips on one of their manners, they have to hand a candy over to Dad. (My husband really likes this game.)

Our dinner time game was great fun, and sure enough, elbows found their way off the table and napkins were more often found in laps. My true heart in this exercise though was to teach the children why we have manners at all, and why they are important. I’m trying to teach them that manners have little to do with whether or not we talk with food in our mouth, and everything to do with considering others before ourselves. The focus of manners should not center on our vanity but rather on another’s comfort and enjoyment. Elbows on the table mean your neighbor is crowded, and chewing with your mouth open means the person across from you has a less than appetizing view.

As the children have grasped this first lesson, it has allowed me to encourage them to be on the lookout for how they might be a blessing to those around them . . . beyond the dinner table. Thinking of others first does not come naturally, and requires a constant sacrifice of our selfish desires. Unfortunately, for most of us, this is a life long pursuit. Hopefully, it becomes easier with practice and we grow more graceful in it with age. Hopefully, we learn that with every opportunity to take, comes an opportunity to give, and that every tug of selfishness can be crushed with a hand of blessing. We simply need to choose it . . . and others first.