We treat our friends with kindness. We treat our colleagues with respect. We even reward our pets daily with treats and walks. Why is it that we do not do for ourselves what we do for others?
Women who are juggling a productive work life and a nurturing home life have a predisposition to put the needs of others before their own. That sounds noble. However, it can lead to relational burnout with a nasty case of resentment thrown in. Could this be a boundary issue?
Here are three areas where we run the risk of treating ourselves poorly:
Lacking boundaries around our work.
We clock out of our agreed upon “work” time and then we say, “I’m just going to . . . check my email, look at Facebook for a minute, make one more phone call.”
This is not being truthful with ourselves. We are stealing our own time. If we are going to do that, be honest. Say, “I’m going to work another hour – or two, even if I have to skip . . . reading to the kids, spending time with my husband, fixing supper.
Treat your word to yourself as valuable, as valuable as you would treat it to anyone else.
Neglecting personal relationships.
Home based entrepreneurs are often lonely. Isolation is the breeding ground for negativity and self doubt. Insecurities get magnified when we are alone.
We must build in a community of light-hearted, like-minded women and re-learn to play. All work and no play make Jill a very dull, insecure girl indeed.
As adults we often think we need be serious. But we, like children, learn a lot about the world and our place in it through play. Notice that games have rules and rules teach us the value of being good natured while keeping fair boundaries at the same time.
In community you can take off your Sunday face and explore questions such as: What do I have that I can offer people? What requests might I like to make? What makes me laugh and enjoy myself?
Putting clients needs before our own.
When you are in the work space of your client and on their clock, give it your all. Show up on time with a consistently good attitude.
But client’s time and our time can have blurry margins, especially if you are in healing work. You want to provide top quality assistance. Yet you are selling a service, not giving it away.
The time outside your work/client space belongs to you. Practice saying, “Let me get back to you on this.” “Let’s discuss this at our next scheduled meeting time.” “Perhaps you should call _____ about this. Here’s her number.”
This is not being selfish. It is being a responsible seller of your time. When in doubt, ask, “What is the kindest choice I can make in this moment?” The kindest choice may be in saying “no” to an off-hours request.
Treating ourselves with more kindness and respect is critical to our being of value to ourselves and to the world.
Look at your situation with thoughtful regard. How might you be more honest with yourself and your intentions?
I challenge you to consider this question: If you were to add just 10% self kindness and respect today, what would you do differently?
Want to see more from Carolyn? Check out her recent article 3 Ways To Tame Emotional Earthquakes!
Carolyn Dunn coaches busy women who are time starved, disorganized and distracted balance a productive work life with a peaceful and nurturing home life. Instead of struggling with overwhelm, procrastination and time management issues they can learn to say “goodbye” to chaos, and “hello” to sanity. Carolyn has a strong Christian background and a Fuller Seminary Masters degree in theological studies as well as marriage and family ministries. She is actively involved in planning large conferences as well as small retreats, and has been the speaker at many seminars and workshops.
To learn more about the author please visit Carolyn Dunn Coaching.
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