I’m a liar.
I wouldn’t have described myself as such, but . . .
In bible study we’ve been following Moses through Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers. This brings into sharp focus God’s instructions to be holy as He is holy. Well, in a human sort of way.
The message that’s being drilled home to me is how details matter to God. Artistic specifications in the designing of the Tabernacle. Order details in the movement of the tribes. Moral purity in the behavior of God’s chosen people.
Feeling pretty good about my performance, I thought I’d double check. So I asked God to reveal areas of my behavior or thought life that were out of line or displeasing to Him.
I figured He’d need a day or two to think this over. I put a mental post-it on my frontal lobe and began to observe myself as I went about my business.
Whoops.
Here is what I saw:
I was scheduled to be at a meeting that I didn’t want to attend. So I responded, “Sorry I can’t be at the meeting. I have an important appointment that conflicts with the time.” Which I didn’t. I stared at my screen. Slowly I backspaced out and began again. “I won’t be at the meeting today. Let me know how it goes.”
A colleague had chaired a meeting. I made a mental note to send her an email of support and encouragement. Five days later I remembered my intention. I typed, “I thought I had emailed you, but I just found the note in my draft file. Better late than never. Congratulations.” A small lie to cover my forgetting. But a lie nonetheless. Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. I retyped. “You did a great job last week. It’s a pleasure to be on your team.”
I was surprised at myself, and began to see a pattern. Shaving the truth over small things. (Lying doesn’t have to be big to be lying.) Saying what I thought others wanted me to say. Putting myself in a more favorable light. Exaggerating.
Proverbs 12: 22 says “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in those who are truthful.”
I want God to delight in me. I want to be a truthful woman.
This has been the season of valentines and love. My valentine to God is the presentation of my messy real self for His use. Not my spruced up, misleading, un-real self.
So I’m stepping into the word “truth” before I write or speak or represent myself.
How about you?
What are “the little foxes that are ruining your vineyard?” Song of Solomon 2:15
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