Understanding Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage- Part I

Over the years I have spoken to many individuals who have struggled with marriage, divorce, and remarriage. No wonder these issues draw both controversy and very diverse opinions within the Christian community. I would like to ask you to begin this study by first reading 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. This is an excellent passage to help you begin to sort out these important issues in your life.

Paul addresses three specific issues in this passage: the command to Christians not to divorce, the command to Christians who have divorced, and his instruction to Christians who are married to unbelievers.

The Command Against Divorce

We first need to define the word depart, which is used a number of times throughout this passage of Scripture. The word depart means to divorce. This word does not refer to a casual or legal separation where two people live apart from each other. Paul’s meaning is quite clear when you examine the context. Notice in verse 11, when the word depart is used again, that Paul declares this action to result in an individual becoming unmarried.

Paul also uses the specific word divorce in verse 11 when he encourages husbands not to make this same mistake. In addition, in Matthew 19:6, this word depart is translated put asunder or separate, which clearly refers to divorce. Therefore, God’s ideal for every married couple does not include divorce.

Why should you obey this command not to divorce? Let me give you three good reasons.

(1) First, Jesus said you should not divorce. Jesus said: “Have you not read…‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4-6). If Jesus commanded you not to divorce, that should hold great weight in your decision making. Do His commands have this kind of influence over you? They should! Jesus challenged His own disciples to consider their actions: “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do the things which I say?” (Luke 6:46). To call Jesus Lord means that you must do what He says. This means that you should not seek a divorce.

(2) You should not divorce because it breaks the covenant you made before God. Consider God’s command: “The LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one…? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that ‘He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,’ … Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Mal. 2:14-16). Note that God calls the marriage relationship a covenant between a man and his wife. A covenant is more than just a contract. A covenant is to be a binding commitment made before God that is not to be broken willingly as long as two people live. A covenant is to last a lifetime.

According to Malachi, to break the covenant of marriage was to deal treacherously with your mate and to cover one’s garment with violence. The word treacherously means to be deceitful or unfaithful. The word violence is a Hebrew word that means to do injustice or to show cruelty. In other words, if you divorce your mate you are acting with cruelty and injustice, which is why God describes this action as unfaithful and deceitful. God declares that He hates divorce because it’s a cruel and unjust thing to do to anyone and it scars all who touch it.

However, note also Malachi’s counsel concerning the way to save your marriage from divorce. He declares, “Therefore take heed to your spirit.” Each partner must first be concerned with his or her own spirit and heart attitude. Why must you consider your own heart first? Because people love to point the finger at their mate and fail to examine their own heart in the process. They say, “She did _____.” Or, “He’s so _____.” I usually say, “But what about you? What is your fault in this problem? Where are you failing?” Jesus said, “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:5). Are you willing to start here? Will you take heed to your own spirit and examine your own faults?

(3) You should not divorce because of the extreme harm it causes to everyone involved. Divorce is as hurtful and destructive as ripping a person’s body apart while they are still alive. The Bible declares that a marriage begins when two people are united as “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This phrase literally means one body or one person. Therefore, if you divorce you rip apart something that God has joined together. Remember, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6).

Even though I have never been divorced, I do have personal experience with the devastation of divorce. I grew up in a family where I saw my father leave my mother, and I watched the anguish, tears, and destruction first-hand. I know what it’s like being used as a bargaining chip between parents. I know the struggles of growing up in a single parent family with no father. I’ve personally lived through this destruction. I can say without a doubt, that it is a cruel and harmful experience that you don’t want. God knows that divorce is not just one person’s problem, it’s an entire family’s crisis.

My point is this, God calls us to keep our commitments. I know some of you are in difficult marriages right now. But remember, Paul declared, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18). I quote this passage often when I do marriage counseling. Notice again, Scripture always makes your personal responsibility the primary issue. Paul says, “as much as depends on you.” In other words, you are responsible to do all you can to honor your commitments. Are you taking heed to your spirit? Are you doing all that is within your power to live peaceably with your spouse?  Are you seeking God for His grace to keep your vow of love?

If you would like more information on the marriage ministry of Pastor Steve Carr or his book Married and How To Stay That Way, please visit  Covenant Keepers

Excerpt republished with permission from Covenant Keepers by Pastor Steve Carr, Copyright 2013