I’m Not the Person I Want to Be

Do you ever berate yourself over foolish choices, lamenting  ‘ God help me, I’m Not the Person I Want to Be ‘? In this series on personal growth through the power of God’s Holy Spirit, Contributor Jack Watts reminds us of God’s promises and will guide you in prayers and written exercises to help you grow into the person God created you to be.

GOD’S PROMISE:

“For I know the plans that I have for you,”

declares the Lord, “plans for welfare

and not for calamity to give you a hope and a future” 

– Jeremiah 29:11

MY PRAYER: Father,

I’m not where I want to be in life—not even close.

I am not the person I want to be—

Not the person I’m capable of being.

Even worse, the gap between who I should be

And who I am is widening, rather than narrowing.

If I’m being honest with myself,

Which I have tried to avoid for so long,

I constantly and repeatedly excuse

My poor behavior and even poorer attitude.

I don’t like myself the way I am.

I’m a pathetic substitute for what I should be—

For what I know You want me to be.

Nearly everyone who knows me well

Recognizes that my life is shipwrecked.

My life may look acceptable to casual observers,

But to those who have insight into me—

To those who know what I am capable of being—

They don’t like what they see. Neither do I.

My purpose and zeal for life have evaporated,

Even though I pretend to others that I have it all together.

I know who I am—who I have become from my addiction.

I’m responsible for all the self-destructive behavior

That has accompanied it—nobody other than me.

I want to acknowledge the truth to You, Father.

I want to discard my denial and my pretentiousness.

I want to be real—completely transparent before You.

You see me as I really am, so why pretend to be

Someone I am not and haven’t been for years.

I have traveled the wrong path for so long

That I’m not certain I can correct my journey.

Admitting the truth of who I have become

Frightens me and makes me feel insecure.

I have refused to face the truth for so long it is scary.

I know I can’t change my destructive patterns by myself.

Without Your help, I have no chance—none whatsoever.

Will You accept me just as I am—devoid of pretense?

Will You guide me on my journey back to wholeness?

Will You take my hand, touch my heart, and forgive me?

Will You be with me today and give me strength?

Will You guide me from this day forward, one day at a time?

Because, if You don’t, I will never make it by myself,

Amen.

MY SLOGAN: I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don’t want to be.

MY AFFIRMATIONS:

—I believe God has a positive plan for my life.

—I believe my future is filled with hope.

—God has good things planned for me and not calamity.

—God intends for my life to be prosperous and fruitful.

MY MEDITATION: Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; do not be silent at my tears; for I am a stranger with Thee, a sojourner like all my fathers. Turn Thy gaze away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more (Psalm 39:12-13.)

MY JOURNAL—I want to discard being pretentious. To do so:

I must admit the truth about who I am, including:

1.

2.

3.

I will be honest about the things that frighten me, including these three things:

1.

2.

3.

I will admit that I feel insecure. It is because:

1.

2.

3.

I will visualize into the future. This is who I am supposed to be:

Give yourself time to work through each exercise, and return to the opening prayer if you feel stuck. Allow the power of God’s Holy Spirit to work in your heart every step of the way! He is ready, willing and more than able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we can ever ask, think or imagine!