Self-Defeating Behavior

GOD’S PROMISE:

The Lord sustains all who fall

and raises up all who are bowed down.

– Psalm 145:14

MY PRAYER: Father,

Having been wounded at the core of my being,

I have stopped seeking You—

Stopped praying, stopped looking to You

For discernment, guidance, and wisdom.

I haven’t wanted anything to do with You.

I feel so angry, hurt, betrayed, and humiliated.

In my pain, I have acted in shameful ways.

I have tried to hide my behavior

From You and from everybody else.

I didn’t want my life to be like this.

I didn’t want to become the person I am.

My sins have gone over my head,

And I am unable to control them,

Which I foolishly believed I could.

They control me, and I know it.

I can no longer hide this truth from You.

I am weary of concealing my face in shame,

Of churning my anger and my bitterness—

Of medicating my pain with dissipation.

I don’t want the wounds from my past,

Which I have foolishly nurtured with vice,

To control my life in the future.

I want to stop my downward cycle.

I want to change my behavior completely.

Father, I am in a deep pit, and I know it.

Even worse, I cannot see an easy way of extrication.

I have routinely blamed others for my plight,

Choosing to embrace the role of being a victim,

Convincing myself that I have been faultless,

But I can no longer maintain this self-serving delusion.

I have to admit the truth to You, as well as to myself.

I need Your help. Without You, my life will have

Neither meaning nor value.

Help me to end my self-defeating behavior,

Which exercises dominion over me, so that I can

Once again be clean in mind and in body, for I know,

Only You can restore me to wholeness and sanity,

Amen.

MY SLOGAN: My daily sobriety is contingent on my spiritual condition.

MY AFFIRMATIONS:

—My past shall not define my future.

—God loves me exactly the way I am.

—I believe I am a worthwhile person.

—I am being progressively restored to wholeness, one day at a time.

MY MEDITATION: For I joyfully concur with the Law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind, and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin (Romans 7:22-25.)

MY JOURNAL:

Negative thoughts continue to plague me. Here are three of them:

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I will no longer allow my past to define my future, which I have done for a long time. Instead, I will:

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I am beginning to see progress in my life. Here are three examples of this:

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