Hoping that God’s promise would be real in my daily life, I was in a battle.
Every mom that I know desires to be the best mom in world, but often she feels like the worst.
I remember one of my worst “mom-moments.” I was driving to a Saturday night worship service rehearsing in my mind the way that I had just lost my temper with my daughter.
My knuckles were white as I gripped the steering wheel. Tears streamed down my face and were reflected in the eyes of my two toddlers strapped in their car seats. Another baby girl was growing inside my belly, tucked in tight under my seatbelt.
Just hours before, my irritation had taken a sharp turn into exasperation when my daughter spilled grape juice on my newly mopped floor. Feeling overwhelmed, trapped, and exhausted, I just wanted to take a nap.
I knew I needed to get out of the house. My husband was working an extra job to help make ends meet. I was alone in the kitchen. Even though we were pastors at a local church, on Saturday nights I liked to load the girls up and visit someone else’s church where I could just sit in the pews and receive.
Now, the negative thoughts continued in my brain…“What am I thinking? Me, trying to be a mother… God, ARE YOU THERE?”
The last question seemed to bounce off the soiled ceiling of my car. Somehow I maneuvered into a parking space. Carrying the car seat in one hand, and squeezing too tightly the fingers of my oldest daughter with the other hand, I walked into church as a defeated mother. After signing them into childcare, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I don’t think I heard the sermon that night. I just remembered communion. As my screaming tirades flashed back in my mind, I began to sob. My hands shook as I held a communion cup. The fight intensified in my mind.
“Who do you think you are? You hypocrite… You will never change…”
This last thought was interrupted by the pastor speaking from the pulpit: “I believe there are some of you who have believed a lie that you can’t change. The truth is that Jesus’ blood has paid the price for your sin, and He has delivered you out of darkness. You are free. You just need to believe it, receive it, and then act on it.”
It sounded so simple. Why was I so bound? The turmoil within me began to bubble up, then calm, as though the toxic thoughts had finally been neutralized by the truth of God’s Word.
A new phrase began to take shape in my mind. It was an entirely different thought. It felt like a whisper from heaven that I was finally listening to. “You are the best mom in the world for your children… I have called you… I will help you be a better mom… You can trust Me.”
Hope began to fill the deepest recesses of my soul. For so long I had floundered under the fog of the enemy’s torment. These words were like beams of sunshine, bringing a multifaceted rainbow of His promise: His personal promise to me. That night, as I took communion in faith, my life began to change.
Were you inspired by the Biblical advice in this article? Read more encouraging words by Sue in Choices Of A Life-Giving Mom
. You can connect with Sue athttp://www.suedetweiler.com/.
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