Jack Watts’ weekly column is aimed at helping those who have been wounded, including those who have been abused by the church. If you are in pain—or if someone you know is in pain—you will find real comfort, wisdom, and answers right here. Based on his book, Recovering from Religious Abuse, published by Simon & Schuster, Jack will teach you the value of working the “11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom.” Remember, recovery is a process—not a destination. The answers are simple but not always easy. Look to the Lord and allow His Spirit heal you.
I do not want to die . . . until I have faithfully made the most of my talent and cultivated the seed that was placed in me until the last small twig has grown—Kathe Kollwitz
For most people, after being subjected to a pattern of verbal and emotional abuse and—occasionally physical, sexual or financial abuse—life never really returns to health and normalcy. Deep emotional scars cripple the abused person to the point that his or her life never regains the richness, fullness, or contentment it once exhibited.
It doesn’t have to be this way, however, and this type of outcome is most definitely not God’s will. God loves you exactly the way you are—in your brokenness, in your despair, and in your uncertainty. He has not given you a spirit of fear. That comes from being abused and not from Him.
He has given you a spirit of love, power, and of a disciplined, sound mind. It resides just below the surface of your troubled heart, waiting for you to do the work necessary to appropriate the inner power that rightfully belongs to you—just as it does with all of God’s children.
It’s not easy regaining your composure after experiencing deep wounds from being abused; but if you do the work necessary to heal, you will not be as good as you once were. You will be better—perhaps much better.
Joy will return to you but in a different, far more meaningful way. It will be tempered with humility, discernment, and wisdom. This is not an idealistic outcome. It can be your experience, if you allow God’s healing touch to restore you. You’ll be more valuable than you ever imagined.
I’m not guessing about the outcome. I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. The choice is yours. You can go through life crippled by your debilitating abusive experience, or you can allow God to use it to become everything He ever intended you to be.
If you want to change, from the inside out, join me in this prayer:
Father,
I know You want me to trust You completely,
And I do—at least, much of the time.
Because of what has hurt me so much
And my feelings of worthlessness,
I still struggle to believe that You love me—
That You accept me just as I am,
Regardless of how awful that might be.
I don’t see how You could—not really.
Perhaps that’s why I whine and remain timid,
Even though You desire for me
To be resilient, joyful, and self-assured.
I desire inner strength, but that’s rarely an option.
Father, how can You love somebody like me?
That You do is something I cannot fathom.
Such love and acceptance is beyond my grasp.
You say that you love me despite everything,
Even when self-defeating ways overwhelms me,
Which seems to happen far too often.
As You display Your faithfulness,
My trust in You increases, ever building,
But it still isn’t where it should be.
I pretend to be strong—to be supremely confident,
But I’m not nearly the person on the inside
That I appear to be on the outside.
I pretend to be what I am not—
To be far more secure than I really am.
I even try to fool myself, but You know
My frailties, which I attempt to mask.
I don’t know why You care so much,
When I don’t even care about myself.
This is a great mystery to me.
In my quiet moments, which I attempt to avoid,
I try to fathom such love and caring,
But I simply cannot.
Amen.
Refer to Step 4: I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted. I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.
O Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me. Thou does know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thought from afar. Thou dost scrutinize my path and my lying down, and art intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, Thou dost know it all. Thou hast enclosed me behind and before, and laid Thy hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is to high, I cannot attain to it. (Psalm 139:1-6)
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.(I Timothy 1:7)
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