I acquired a piece of furniture that has no use other than to hold and hide the books I’ve amassed for homeschooling my kids.
This, like nothing else so far, has really made the decision to keep my kids home next year seem suddenly very real.
There have been many “Am I really doing this?” moments, but this was the moment where I actually paused, sat down (so I could stare at the cabinet) and began to envision myself opening those doors and selecting the appropriate books before heading back to wherever it is that I’m going to designate as The Classroom.
It made me think that maybe I really am doing the right thing because instead of the twinge of panic, I felt a rush of enthusiasm. And I’m a busy mom – to feel a rush of anything is pretty amazing in itself (exhaustion doesn’t usually rush upon anything – it mostly seeps in like the spaghetti sauce that splattered on your shirt the night before).
But then just a few days later, when stopping to admire the few books with which I’d managed to stock the cabinet, I revisited the twinge of panic when I realized that I only had managed to stock the cabinet with a few books. I would need so many! Is this even enough cabinet space? How many more cabinets might I need? Where would I put those cabinets? Should I use one cabinet for each kid? But no, that would be wild. Five cabinets!?
This is how it had been for me: One minute, feeling victorious over that old nagging panic and then the next saying hello to that old nag.
A friend of mine, who is a veteran homeschooler, gave me a book that seemed to me to be very old, yet proved to be relevant for today. I hadn’t read beyond the first chapter when I read this:
“You don’t have to be perfect to home school…you just must be willing to improve.” (A Survivor’s Guide to Home Schooling by Luanne Shackelford & Susan White)
Well, hey – that’s me!
I am not perfect. I don’t bounce out of bed with my hair done. In fact, it may not get done at all. I don’t always have every dish cleaned before I call it a day and crawl in to bed, and the bed I crawl in to may not have been made that day. Sometimes, I am short-tempered and oftentimes I am embarrassingly wrong. I can never remember where I left my keys.
But I am willing to improve. I can even say that I am eager to improve. And I feel confident that – by the grace of God – I can improve and will continue to improve at a pace that will allow me to be able to do what He has called me to do.
He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. I have merely to be willing to improve. The rest depends on His faithfulness. His faithfulness does not even depend on my own. So great is His faithfulness to those whom He loves!