The Thanksgiving Paradigm Shift

Paradigm shift is a phrase that burst onto the trendy word scene a few decades ago. It had its roots in the scientific community, but entered popular cultural language and came to mean have a shift in your perspective; a shift so big that when looking at the exact same thing you’d seen previously, it now produced a completely different, perhaps even opposite reaction.

One of my favorite examples of a different perspective came from my pastor in a recent sermon. He was on a trip to Israel and had managed to time the trip concurrent with the dry season. The wet season was about to come…any day now…they could see the clouds…far off in the distance…inching toward them day-by-day. But for the time being, this was a dry dry trip.

On the very last day of their tour, his little group of Americans and Brits were milling about outside when the clouds finally let loose. The drops were not the sweet delicate little things he’d experienced in the past. These were the largest drops of water he’d ever seen and they were dropping by the thousands. The Brits and Americans grabbed whatever they could find and threw these things up over their heads as a meager protection while they ran to the door of the only building in sight; a small restaurant. However, the crowd seemed to stop at the door, balling up into a massive clump, and making no inward progress. There was some bottlenecking dynamic at work which was preventing entry.

Finally it all became clear. Just as the visiting guests in Israel were attempting to get in the building and out of the rain, those who actually lived in Israel were doing their best to get out of the restaurant to go into the rain. Why?

To dance.
To let the huge drops wash over them.
To welcome the end of the dry season.
To rejoice over the promise and hope of an eventual harvest.
To be thankful that this would not be one of those occasional droughts were water doesn’t come at all.

What in the world does any of this have to do with our kids? Plenty. Because if we look at much of the behavior of our kids—especially if they are tightly wired and highly distractible—with typical eyes, with standards and expectations that apply nicely to calm and compliant children, we will often come away frustrated, perplexed or even angry.

So my wish for you and for me during this Thanksgiving season is that we are given a different vision; an ability to see our children in a fresh, respectful and even delightful light. An ability to look past the frenzy and find thankful. My wish is that we may have a paradigm shift.

As such, I have determined that I will look for the good, mine through the debris for the gift, see things in such a different manner that it actually brings joy, even if I’m the only one in the room to do it.

So when this exuberant child runs up to share something with me that delights him but in the process knocks over the vase full of water and roses,
I will remember that

• I am fortunate to have things about my house, including that vase, which I can set about as pure embellishment. There are families all over the world who could pack their belongings into a single blanket. They have no ability to obtain even the necessities of life, let alone its embellishments. I am blessed indeed.

 

• I am fortunate to have a child whose mind is brimming with ideas. I remember my sweet niece who, through an illness, became so mentally damaged that she never learned to even sit up. Her parents would have given their very lives for her to have the opportunity to run up to them with an idea that spilled over onto the floor. I am blessed indeed.

 

• I am fortunate to have a child who, when she has an idea, wants to share it with me. There are parents in every country who have children who have withdrawn, who are estranged or have even disappeared from their lives completely. They would share all their wealth to have this beloved child actually want to connect and share a thought with them. I am blessed indeed.

 

My home zings with sound and movement and activity that honestly often makes me tired. But with the right vision, the right perspective, and a shift in my paradigm, I am profoundly grateful for that tired.

I am further blessed by the fierce love I feel for this child, and indeed all my children, as it is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. It is a gift to be permitted such a powerful feeling, even with the vulnerability that it brings.

Holidays bring a stress all their own. There is no routine, no standard, no typical. It is a challenge for every one of us, but especially for our highly wired kids. There is no doubt they will provide one or two instances of challenging behavior. But with the right vision, you’ll see the blessings. Keep your Paradigm Shift Glasses handy.

And when no one else in the room does so, dig around and mine for the gift. It’s always there. It’s always yours to find and have. And then share, share, share with your child the gift of hearing how thankful you are that he or she is in your life.

Have a blessedly wonderful Thanksgiving.