If you desire a productive work life and a nurturing home life — you would do well to learn how to graciously say:
I AM SO SORRY!
Busy Business Women get so caught up in their full work and home lives, that on occasion we may actually offend a work colleague or a family member. Hard to believe … but true.
When the dust settles there is the challenge of making things right. It sounds so simple, but we are complicated beings.
Have you ever wondered
why it’s so hard to ask for forgiveness even when
we know we are clearly in the wrong?
Too much “ought to” and not enough “how to”, according to Rick Warren of Saddleback Church. Biblically speaking. we know we ought to. It’s not that we don’t understand the need to make amends. But how to do it without making matters worse. Or, what about when it’s not only our fault? What about the other guy?
Let’s look at two easy blueprints for taking care of our bad business. First we’ll look at a formula when we know we’re in the wrong. Then we’ll explore a simple sentence that can often heal wounds without a lot of explanation.
How to ask for Forgiveness:
Try this formula: W S F
I was Wrong to _________. This is what you actually did. Be specific: ” I was wrong to leave the car on empty.”
I am Sorry that I _________. This is what you caused. Be specific: ” I am sorry that I inconvenienced you and caused you to be late to your meeting.”
Will you Forgive me? Make eye contact and wait quietly. The ball is now in their court. They may need time. It’s possible that at this juncture someone might say, “I’m not sure”, or “I’m not ready to forgive you.” Reply, “I understand. Let me know when we can talk about this again because I really want your forgiveness.”
If you are really, really sorry and want to kick it up a notch say, “I don’t ever want to do that to you again!” And then DON’T!
DO NOT say, “IF I inconvenienced you, then I’m sorry.” Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! What that actually means is … “If you are so sensitive and have absolutely no flexibility, then I suppose I’m sorry.” This adds insult to injury. Bad juju.
There is a big difference between “Sorry” and “Will you forgive me?” Can you guess what it might be?
When I say to you, “I’m sorry”, I am choosing what to offer you and I retain all the power in the exchange. When I say to you, “Will you forgive me”, the power shifts. Now you have the power in the relationship.
How to ask for Forgiveness:
When you are not sure what you may have done …
But something seems wrong… Try this:
Say, “I’m imagining that there might be something between us that’s not quite right. I’mwondering if I’ve done something for which I need to ask your forgiveness?”
Notice the italicized words are tentative. Slow down. Soften your voice. Make eye contact. This doesn’t force anything.
They often say, ”No, no, no. Don’t be silly.” But a healing can take place anyway. There are head to head understandings, and there are heart to heart understandings. Forgiveness can go right to the heart of a matter.
What do you think about this? Try these methods for making amends and then let me know what worked and what didn’t work. Comment below and tell me what is YOUR experience in asking for forgiveness?
Dive into more of Carolyn’s helpful and encouraging wisdom, The One Thing Busy Women Desperately Need and Can’t Make Happen
Carolyn Dunn coaches busy women who are time starved, disorganized and distracted balance a productive work life with a peaceful and nurturing home life. Instead of struggling with overwhelm, procrastination and time management issues they can learn to say “goodbye” to chaos, and “hello” to sanity. Carolyn has a strong Christian background and a Fuller Seminary Masters degree in theological studies as well as marriage and family ministries. She is actively involved in planning large conferences as well as small retreats, and has been the speaker at many seminars and workshops.
To learn more about the author please visit Carolyn Dunn Coaching
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