8. Control your thought life. One final element that is essential for the lasting restoration of your relationship is a controlled thought life. The reason for this is that both partners will be tempted to go back and dwell in the past when things get tough, which will greatly hinder the rebuilding process. The offended partner usually struggles with resentment over what has happened or the fear that this will all happen again. The offending partner usually battles with the guilt and condemnation of his or her failure. Therefore, you must bring every thought into the captivity of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). You can’t look backward! You must keep your eyes fixed on the road ahead. To illustrate this truth, just imagine what would happen if you tried to drive your car down the road while continually looking in your rear view mirror. You would obviously crash! If you fail to control your thought life your relationship is bound to hit a brick wall spiritually and emotionally.
But, you may be thinking, How can I control my thought life? Is it even possible to bring my thoughts into subjection to Christ? The answer is yes! God would never command you to do something that was impossible. But, you are wondering, How?
(a.) First you must recognize the reason why it is important to bring your thoughts into captivity. It’s very simple; your thinking directly controls how you feel toward your spouse. Consequently, you can’t dwell in your mind on your mate’s failures and at the same time have great emotional feelings of love. Neither can you dwell on the condemning thoughts of how you’ve destroyed your marriage and then be overflowing with joy in the Lord. This would be an impossibility. Note the direct correlation between Peter’s thought life and his emotions after his denial of Christ: “A second time the rooster crowed. Then Peter called to mind the word that Jesus had said to him, ‘Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times.’ And when he thought about it, he wept” (Mark 14:72). After reading this passage, do you see how your thought life affects your emotional state?
(b.) Next, once the infidelity has been forgiven, make a choice to not dwell in your mind on this failure anymore. When the thoughts begin to come, reject them as something that has come to destroy you and draw you back into despair or resentment. Consider these thoughts and deal with them in the same manner as if someone was trying to gossip to you and destroy your relationship with information that is completely inappropriate for you to hear. This is what Paul did with his own thoughts concerning his past persecution of Christians. He said, “But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead” (Phil. 3:13). The word forgetting means to neglect or put out of your mind. Is this what you are doing with your thoughts of the past? Are you deliberately and willfully choosing to put them out of your mind or allowing them to stumble you?
(c.) Last, choose to think on the good changes that have occurred since your reconciliation. This again was Paul’s solution while he was in prison after being held for over four years on false charges. Put yourself in Paul’s position. Don’t you think that he might have struggled in his mind over the unjust circumstances occurring in his life? He declared to the Philippian Church how he found peace: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things” (Phil. 4:8). You must make a conscious decision to dwell on the good things that have come about in your relationship with your mate. Choose to meditate on these things, not on the past. This is what it means to look forward. Are you daily dwelling on these thoughts?
In conclusion, as you take the above steps, may the God of all grace and comfort grant to you the strength and perseverance to work through every issue. Don’t allow the sins of the past to hinder your complete reconciliation. Your marriage and family are truly worth it! Remember the promise that Jesus made to Paul in his hour of struggle: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). May you find His strength today!
COVENANT KEEPERS © 2014
If you would like more information on the marriage ministry of Pastor Steve Carr or his book Married and How To Stay That Way, please visit us on the Internet at www.covenantkeepers.org
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