Controlling the Outcome

Jack Watts’ weekly column is aimed at helping those who have been wounded, including those who have been abused by the church. If you are in pain—or if someone you know is in pain—you will find real comfort, wisdom, and answers right here. Based on his book, Recovering from Religious Abuse, published by Simon & Schuster, Jack will teach you the value of working the “11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom.” Remember, recovery is a process—not a destination. The answers are simple but not always easy. Look to the Lord and allow His Spirit heal you.

You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering—Henri-Frederic Amiel

One of the greatest delusions in life is the belief that we control our own destiny. Everybody wants to believe that they do, whether Christian or not. But it simply isn’t true—as life teaches each of us repeatedly.

The concept of having control certainly isn’t a New Testament principle, and yet, we all want to believe our lives depend upon what we do or don’t do. We desire it so much we often demand that God performs exactly the way we want, being as demanding as a petulant four-year-old.

Like a good parent, God smiles and does what is best for us, based on His perspective—not ours.

At the same time, much of life has routine. Because of this, we become accustomed to having a measure of control over our day-to-day activities. This leads us to believe we actually do have control. Then, for whatever reason, something happens, which is completely beyond our comfort zone. And more often than not, it isn’t something we desire.

That’s when we become angry, blaming God for our unpleasant circumstances. Or, we can choose another response by renewing our minds, bending our knees, and acknowledging that God—in His sovereignty—has control over everything and we do not.

From my personal experience, this is one of the most difficult times in a person’s Christian life. I know that God is controlling the outcome, but I still have a hard time admitting how little control over circumstances I have. Most Christians do.

If you want to acknowledge God’s control, join me in this prayer:

Father,

I want to control the outcome

Of events that impact my life.

You know that the desire of my heart

Is for You to orchestrate circumstances,

Which will allow me to have my own way.

When that doesn’t happen,

Which seems to be far too often,

I become sulky, peevish, and petulant.

I resent that You will not make Your will mine,

Even though that might not be the best thing for me.

When I behave like a child, I think like one as well,

But I don’t realize how juvenile I’ve become.

It never occurs to me until after my fretful emotions

Have run the gambit and I am spent—

Emotionally exhausted from dictating to You.

At the end of it all, like always,

I become sorrowful, realizing that

You are God, and I am not.

Forgive me for my waywardness, and restore

A sense of humility and equilibrium to me.

Teach me to focus on my role,

Which are the things I can control—

Rather than what I cannot.

Amen

Refer to Step 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

I know, O Lord, that a man’s way is not in himself; nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps. Correct me, O Lord, but with justice; not with Thy anger, lest Thou bring me to nothing. (Jeremiah 10:23-24)

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.”  Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-17)