What do you do when you learn your son is in conflict with someone? Do you badger him until he tells you every detail of the altercation? Or do you try to figure out who has wronged your son so you can set things straight?
Helping your son learn to resolve conflict with others properly is a valuable lesson for him to learn. The earlier the better, because your son is developing habits of responding to discord that will follow him for the rest of his life. The ability to manage conflict well will help your son one day be a better husband and father.
Let’s walk through the process…
CONFLICT IS A PART OF LIFE
If your son is upset with a specific person, prayerfully consider how you can help him see his own contribution to the struggle. (There are always two sides to a problem.) Don’t be the mom who constantly blames others for your son’s conflicts. We have all met the mother who goes rushing into the classroom claiming her son is the victim of everyone else’s wrongdoing.
Even if the conflict appears to be one-sided, teach your son how to forgive the person who has wronged him–whether the other person asks forgiveness or not. Teach your son how pardoning another person’s offense will free him from becoming bitter. Explain to him that holding on to resentment will certainly quench the Holy Spirit in his life and hinder his walk with Christ.
When someone offends your son, no matter how tempting it is to do so, you must not allow your heart to grow bitter toward the offender. If you become resentful, your sin will quench the Holy Spirit within you, and that, in turn, may keep you from discerning God’s wisdom in the trial.
If you constantly intervene when others do wrong to your son, you will waste valuable opportunities to train him how to deal with conflict honorably. As a rule, resentful people sow seeds of resentment in their children.
And forgiving people raise forgiving children. Focus on living as a godly example before your son, and you will teach him how to handle discord properly.
PURSUE PEACE
By your own example you must teach your son how to live at peace with others. The Bible gives this advice about relationships:
Pursue peace with all people and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble and by this many become defiled.(Hebrews 12:14-15)
Hebrews 12:14-15 instructs believers to strive for peace and pursue holiness so the watching world will see the Lord. Adversely, if Christians only aggravate their conflicts with people, they will end up distorting the character of Christ to anyone observing their testimony.
The Bible teaches us to “aspire to live a quiet life – this refers to one who does not present social problems or generate conflict among people in his life, but whose sole rests easy even when in the midst of difficulty.”
The way people interact with others is a good metric for how they are doing in their walk with Christ. One of my favorite verses, Psalm 119:165, says, “Great peace have they which love thy law and nothing shall offend them.”
When I am not living peacefully, or when I observe my children offended, I can usually trace the reason to a lack of personal fellowship with the Lord. This principle holds true for all believers. So teach your son to evaluate his spiritual health when he finds himself unable to get over an offense. (This does not mean it is sinful to have hurt feelings. The wrong is in holding onto resentment.)
Your home should not be characterized by conflict. If your son is exposed to fighting and arguing within the home, this will become the way in which he will relate to others. The habits he sees on display in his relationships at home will spill over into his friendships, his marriage, and one day, his parenting.*
Has it ever occurred to you that you are raising the father of your grandchildren?
You have the unique privilege of training your son how to react when he finds himself in a conflict. Teaching him how to resolve conflict without anger, overlook an offense, forgive when he is wronged, and dwell in peace with others will not only make the environment in your home more enjoyable, but you will be training your son to one day be a kind and loving father to–oh yea–your grandchildren!
*Excerpt Moms Raising Sons to Be Men
Read more parenting advice by Rhonda Stoppe in 7 Insights to Help Your Child Follow God’s Plan for Their Lives,
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