The best way you can learn about your children’s strengths and weaknesses, and their hopes and dreams, is to spend quantity time with them. There is no substitute for that.
The urban myth that quality time is sufficient has produced children who are unsupervised, and unprepared for life. Teens have been left to receive advice from their peers or from educators who often do not hold the same values as their parents.
As a whole, the current generation is being shaped by ungodly worldviews from friends, the media, music, and the Internet.
When my youngest daughter, Kayla, started kindergarten, I went back to work full-time. I tried very hard to balance my job with raising my children.
Each day after school, the bus dropped Kayla and her brother off at my office. All in all, it seemed like a perfect arrangement. As the school year went on, however, Brandon, my quiet one, became quieter. He lost himself in Legos and videos.
Kayla, on the other hand, grew quite demanding, and because I was tired from working all day, I gradually developed a habit of giving in to her. Maybe you can relate?
By the time the second semester rolled around, I no longer knew the names of Brandon’s friends at school. And each evening, as I gave Kayla her bath, she would make an effort to talk with me about her day.
I clearly remember one day she was particularly animated as she told me a story about something that had happened on the playground. I was tired and trying to wash her hair.
As she chattered on, I grew irritated that she wouldn’t stop talking so I could rinse the soap off of her face. Then it hit me: I had become so consumed with work I had forgotten my real calling was to be this precious little girl’s mommy! To look her in the eyes, listen to every detail about every person she played with that day–what kind of shoes they wore, and how they did their hair.
After I tucked my cute little chatterbox into bed, I went downstairs in tears and told Steve how much I had gotten off track. We knew we could not afford for me to quit working, but we decided to do whatever we had to so I could resign. I worked through the rest of the school year making adjustments in our budget so that we could prepare for my eventual unemployment. (Eventually, we moved into a less expensive home, and gave up a number of expensive hobbies.)
That summer, my children were overjoyed to have their mommy back! Because I made my number one priority helping Kayla relearn the values we had established when she was young, we fondly refer to that summer as Kayla’s “bootcamp.” By the time she started first grade, she was her charming, obedient little self.*
As I say this, I am not trying to make working mothers feel guilty, or to call all mothers to stay at home. If you need to work, then ask the Lord to provide you the strength and time that will enable you to enjoy meaningful interaction with your kids.
Do not despair, for I know many working mothers who have raised wonderful, godly children. In fact, one of my very best friends worked the entire time her kids were growing up. Because my friend was committed to spend quality time with her girls, she raised two incredibly grounded, godly, young women who are now raising their own families. (One of her daughters is now a stay-at-home mom, and the other works full time. But both have learned from their mother’s example the value of spending quality time with their children.)
Stay-at-home moms beware: it is easy to think that you have plenty of time to develop quality moments with your kids, only to let opportunities with your kids slip by.
Without any effort on your part to have purposeful interaction with your children, you will not develop a good relationship with them. So be determined to schedule quality time with your kids.
Whether or not you work outside the home, ask God to help you to develop a closer relationship with your children, and make sure you take full advantage of the time you do spend together.
*Excerpt Moms Raising Sons to Be Men (Harvest House 2013)
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