A Word of Caution.
If after the violation of trust has been exposed and you still don’t see the above attitudes and actions occurring (except of course, self-righteousness), you know that something is radically wrong. If your mate is justifying his or her actions, blaming you for the failure, or continuing to pursue similar immoral behavior, this means several things.
(1) It reveals that your spouse has no real sense of conviction or sorrow for the sin that has been committed (2 Cor. 7:9-10).
(2) It means that your spouse does not sincerely desire reconciliation and a changed relationship with God or you. God doesn’t forgive people’s excuses or blame-shifting.
He only responds to honest, humble, and sincere confession that results in complete repentance. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy” (Prov. 28:13). God Himself refuses to dispense mercy when a person excuses and covers his sin.
Therefore, you should not consider yourself unspiritual or unloving if you take a similar action. Yes, you must forgive your spouse from the heart, but reconciling the relationship will be impossible until there is an honest and humble request for forgiveness (Matt 18:35; Luke 17:1-3).
(3) When a person is unrepentant and chooses to justify his or her sin, it is only a matter of time before another breach of trust will occur. God has not called you to be a doormat for another person to use and abuse.
Therefore, make your decisions based on the total fruit of the attitude, words, and actions of your mate. If these indicators are contrary to Scripture and common sense, you should not trust any profession made.
But, you may be thinking that the Bible teaches that we should “believe all things” (1 Cor. 13:7). This passage must be taken in the context of the Bible’s teaching as a whole. Of course you should believe all things, unless you have clear and obvious evidence to the contrary.
For example: If you have evidence that your spouse is still involved in the same behavior that caused the violation of your trust, it would be foolish to believe this person’s professions of faithfulness. Someone once said, “Love believes all things, but love is not stupid.”
Even Jesus will refuse to believe mere professions on the last day. He will base His judgment solely on how people live. Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ ” (Matt. 7:21-23).
Be assured, Jesus is surely not a fool. Note that Christ makes these statements right after He warned His disciples about examining the fruit of false prophets. In addition, Paul made it absolutely clear that those who ask for our trust must “be found trustworthy” (1 Cor. 4:2 – NAS).
If you are unsure about the sincerity of your spouse or you observe confusing and contradictory behavior, ask your pastor or an elder of your church to call and talk with your mate and get a second opinion.
If you are already in counseling with your pastor, he most likely already knows the answer to this question.
Finally, ask God for His divine wisdom (James 1:5). He knows the heart of every man.
“There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Heb. 4:13).
May God guide you as you seek to re-establish trust in your relationship!
COVENANT KEEPERS © 2013
Discover Pastor Steve Carr’s advice from this encouraging series, Re-establishing Trust in Your Relationship – Part III