THE INFLUENCE OF A FEW YEARS
Our oldest son, Tony turned 36 years old yesterday. The Lord did not bring Tony into our lives until he was 15 years old. For years our family has attempted to find a way to illustrate to people how Tony became our son.
A few years ago Tony, called me, excited about a movie he had watched. He said, I know I am not a big black football player, but I just saw a movie that reminds me so much of our family. And the mom in the movie reminds me of you!
I had seen the very popular movie only days before. I had cried while watching it because it brought back memories of when Tony first came to live with us.
Tony lived in our home for only a short time, but just as the Lord had used Jochebed’s few years with Moses to shape him for life, God gave us a brief window of opportunity to give Tony a strong foundation for life. (You can read more about Jochebed’s influence on her son in my book Moms Raising Sons to Be Men.)
The summer that Tony moved in was a busy time for our family. We had just moved from California and were attempting to adjust to Austin, Texas. Our oldest daughter, Meredith, had been designated to oversee her younger brother and sister’s summer activities while my husband and I went to work. We lived in a lakeside community, and Tony had landed a “sweet job” as boat boy at the yacht harbor.
As the weeks progressed, we began to notice that Tony was rarely at home. When he did have a day off he would wash the cars, mow the lawn, and do any other outside chores he could find.
Eventually Tony made it clear to me that indoor work was for Meredith, and he, a man, would do the outdoor chores. I had to laugh at his slant on “women’s work.” He had his perception of how things were done, and our children instructed him on the way things were done in our family – as they handed him a dish towel.
While we were happy with all the work accomplished by this new addition to our family, it soon became apparent that Tony did not know how to be in a family.
One night I asked if Tony could do me a favor on his day off and just stay in the house and play with the kids. He responded, I have never done that.
I told him that this was his home now; he would need to learn to adjust to our family’s way of life. My children were excited about the challenge of teaching their new big brother how to be a part of their family.
The next day he spent playing games, watching kids’ shows on television, and taking the dog for a swim in the lake. I can’t tell you how satisfied I was to find Tony napping on the couch when we returned home that evening.
Over the years Tony has napped on our couch many times. Each time I find him there, I am reminded that he has found his home with our family.
TONY’S FIRST CHRISTMAS
One of my favorite memories is of Tony’s first Christmas with us. I bought him a pair of very expensive “ropers” for Christmas. Ropers are a type of cowboy boot. I was pleased that he loved them, and shocked that afternoon when he took them outside, tied them to the back of his jeep, and drove them around the neighborhood. When he returned they looked all scratched and weathered. Before I could explain to him how expensive those boots had been and how displeased I was, he began to instruct me about the importance of new boots not looking new. It was a Texas thang –I just had to laugh!
Tony had bonded with my husband even before he had moved in with us. Steve was his youth pastor and they instantly had a wonderful relationship. When Tony graduated from high school, he gave “Big Steve,” as he called him, a card saying thank-you for becoming his dad. It was a touching note that Steve still keeps with his most treasured possessions. We kind of look at that card as Tony’s “official adoption papers.”
During Tony’s short time with us he and I had great talks about his new life as a believer, and about girls. We talked about his dream to become a fighter pilot, God’s character, and about girls. We discussed God’s plan for marriage – and did I mentioned we talked about girls?
THE DAY I BECAME TONY’S MOMMA
While Tony and I had a great relationship, he related to me with love and respect, but never as his momma. I wanted to be a mom to him, but I respected that he had a mother whom he loved, and that he didn’t necessarily need another.
Upon graduating from high school, Tony was accepted to A&M University. It was difficult to say goodbye to him, but we were excited about the opportunities before him. I determined that my new role in his life would be as a prayer supporter.
Right away Tony, our overachiever, went out for the drill team, a much-sought-after and competitive position. The requirements were grueling and included running for miles in full gear wearing a heavy backpack in extreme weather. All the while, he was taking a full load of classes. By September Tony had been selected for the team – he was thrilled. Thrilled and exhausted.
One day he called home. In a weak and shaky voice, he said he had a severe case of pneumonia and would need to take a break from all activities. Tony told me he was not going to tell his commander he was sick for fear of losing his place on the team.
Oh my sweet boy, who had worked so hard to achieve his goals. He had been such a man and accomplished great things. Now all I could hear was a little boy who needed a mother.
I asked the Lord for discernment. As mothers we need to learn that often, God wants us to step back to allow our young men to battle their trials alone. But somehow I sensed this was different. Tony had worked so hard to land a spot on the team, and now he was sick and weak. I felt that the least I could do was ask Tony if I could make a phone call on his behalf. Reluctantly, he agreed.
I called a friend of Tony’s who was an alumnus of the school. He promised to make some calls. Soon the drill team’s commandant called to assure me that my son’s position was secure.
We brought our very sick boy home and I took care of him until he was better. Through that experience, God knit our hearts together, and I became a momma to Tony.
Tony went on to graduate from college and became a fighter pilot. While he has achieved many amazing goals, I was never more proud of him than on the day he called to say,
You know, I am living my dream, and I now realize that it is not enough. My Sunday school teacher, a retired fighter pilot, told me that if I am doing all of this but not surrendered to Christ, my life will be wasted.*
Tony still flies jets. Ten years ago we were blessed to give him a beautiful wedding when he married a precious girl who loves the Lord. He is now a godly husband and father. (Recently I was in the delivery room when Tony and Kylene’s son was born. A son who they named after my husband.)
Though Tony lived with us for only a short time, the Lord used our influence to build a foundation of truth in Tony’s heart – a foundation that has had a long-term affect on his life.
Has the Lord invited you to influence the life of a child through adoption or foster care? Or perhaps, your own kids have friends who simply need to spend time with you and your family to observe how a Christ makes a difference in those who follow Him.
I hope you take some time to ponder how God used us to prepare Tony to be a godly husband, father and fighter pilot. And I pray you have the courage to allow the Lord to use you to influence the life of a child in need, even if it’s only for a few years.
*Excerpt Moms Raising Sons to Be Men
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