Loving and Leaving

Married to Zack less than six months, Heather discovered traces of lipstick on his shirt and a woman’s phone number in his wallet. All men cheat; none can be trusted, she reasoned. The truth is all men don’t cheat.

Unfortunately, Heather encountered one who did.  Stereotyping people based upon a single experience will not improve the bad behavior of others. But living with doubt, suspicion, and cynicism will condemn you to a life of unhappiness. All people are not the same and to stereotype them as such is flat-out unfair. Relationships are not always doomed to end poorly. Many thrive and, yes, there are those who live happily ever after.

Staring at the floor and biting her nails Samantha timidly confessed, “I am afraid.” “Afraid of what?” I asked. She said, “I am afraid my boyfriend will leave.” “Why do you feel he will leave?” “I don’t know. My daddy left when I was seven and no one explained why. I just feel like my boyfriend will do the same thing.”

Seventeen-year-old Samantha remained emotionally paralyzed by he fears as a seven-year-old.  Her first romantic relationship was ruined by fear that all men she loved would eventually leave. Can you relate to Samantha’s struggle?

Have you been guilty of labeling people based upon a single personal experience? Would you feel comfortable with others treating you the same way? Give friends, colleagues, and potential romantic interests the opportunity to express their love and gain your trust. Do not let negative relationships of the past be the downfall of positive future relationships.  Stop categorizing and start enjoying the benefits of healthy associations.

Lenny writes, “I worry about my wife cheating. We are both loving and committed to each other. There is no rational reason for me to feel suspicious or threatened. Our relationship has not changed, and neither of us has close friends of the opposite sex. We attend Bible study once a week, and I should feel totally secure in our relationship. Why am I worried and how do I quit obsessing about something that isn’t happening?”

Perhaps, like Lenny, you realize your fears remain unfounded, yet you struggle to control feelings of fear and anxiety. Afraid to face your fears, you remained trapped, consumed by situations that rob you of peace and joy. The good news is you can overcome your feelings in spite of how out of control they may seem. Fears may not vanish overnight, but with patience and persistence they will lessen over time. Confronting the fear of abandonment is perhaps easier than you have imagined. Below I have listed important keys that will help you overcome your fear:

Keys to Overcoming Fear

• Share your fears of abandonment with someone you trust. Voice your fears to a friend then ask that friend for positive yet honest feedback about the validity of these fears.

• Write down personal strengths that would enable you to thrive if faced with the challenge of living alone. Having a documented list of personal strengths reinforces confidence and self-assurance especially when facing discouragement or disappointment.

• Stop dwelling on the past and move forward. Mistakes and wrong decisions are a part of life. Release the pain, move past negative memories, and begin again.

• Spend time with and enjoy those who recognize your worth. Quit obsessing about the one who left and focus on those who have stayed. Stop expending emotional energy in past relationships and begin investing in those who are a part to your future.

• Cast worry by the wayside. Worry is like cyanide: tasteless and highly toxic. Create an outlet for anxiety. Discover new interests and explore channels for personal creativity. Learn to paint, join a gym, or better yet, find someone in need and discover ways you can help better his or her life.

• Create a list of things you fear. Then beside the list of things you fear create a list of correlating Scripture verses that will help you overcome any negative thoughts that create anxiety or fear.

Putting the above keys into practice will safeguard your heart and help you form healthy, satisfying relationships. If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you didn’t feel comfortable expressing your feelings or ideas, take some time to think about what make you really need and how you want to feel in your ideal relationship.

It is important to know what makes you feel safe and secure. Being able to clarify your feeling will help you recognize which relationships are worthy of pursing or preserving. You a worthy of relationships where you feel loved, treasured and appreciated.

Are you feeling inspired by Tracey’s godly wisdom and guidance?  You might also enjoy The Need to be Perfect.

A national conference speaker, Tracey travels 40+ weeks a year, sharing Biblical principles and wisdom. Her real life experiences – though painful and challenging enable her to identify with the hurting, lonely, and rejected. Whether speaking corporate CEO’s or the homeless, Tracey’s passion for re-writing the lives of the brokenhearted makes her messages relevant and empowering.

A frequent television guest and host of “Today With Tracey”, she is an advocate of those having experienced rejection, poverty or emotional abuse.

Her new book release, “Downside Up”, via Thomas Nelson Publishers, will be available spring 2013. To learn more about the author please visit Tracey Mitchell

As a women’s magazine, created for Christian Women, Sonoma Christian Home offers relevant articles on a variety of topics including: daily inspiration, relationship advice, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, Christian ministry, everyday gourmet recipes, Christian movie reviews and so much more!