“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” ¹
Why is it when surrounded by so many good natured, funny, smart and delightful people, the one thing that occupies your thoughts is someone’s behavior that has been annoying you?
Dark thoughts will hijack your pre frontal lobe and take you down a path of rehearsing everything she has done lately — all of which find her failing your expectations.
There are many potholes on the road to a rewarding life. Becoming annoyed is one of them. We can’t live our best life with these sorts of roadblocks.
Being able to get along with our fellow humans, has been said to be a vital component to 80% of our success in life. But how do you get along with people when they are grumpy, annoying or unreasonable? Try this.
Write down what this person is doing that is annoying you:
Is she asking for your advice and then saying, “Yes, but . . .”?
Has he borrowed money and neglected to pay it back?
Is she consistently late for your lunch dates?
Does he have strong opinions about everything and is quick to voice them?
Is she in your business with too much criticism and unasked for advice?
List your grievances, in detail. Detail. Get really petty.
Now, write how you contribute to the problem:
Do you continue to allow yourself be drawn into these advice giving “Yes, but . . .” sessions?
Do you loan this friend money certain that this time he will pay you back?
Do you continue to make lunch dates hoping she’ll be on time, this time?
Do you counter strong opinions with strong opinions of your own which only heat things up?
Do you spend longer with this advice giving friend/family member than you need to?
Ask yourself: What can I do to stop things escalating?
When she complains about her circumstances, say “Oh, I am so sorry,” in a sympathetic voice and then change the subject.
Gently (but firmly) tell your friend that you are no longer loaning him money.
Meet your friend at the library, your home or office where you can “use the time” you’ll be waiting. Which you will be. Waiting.
Next ask: What can I do to resolve this problem or restore this relationship?
You can distance yourself from this person and see them less frequently.
You can pretend they are time/responsibility/socially challenged and incapable of changing. If you want them in your life, adjust your expectations and engage them with grace and humor.
Remember this: “They” don’t make you annoyed. That’s something you choose to do to yourself.
When confronted by E.G.R. people (Extra Grace Required) why do we agitate ourselves into such a high and mighty state? Not only does this superior attitude cause us harm, it is rooted in pride. Don’t we do similar things in just a different annoying way?
Being puffed up and judgmental is annoying to God and calls for serious repentance and change of behavior on my part.
He has reminded me, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, Carolyn, but in humility consider others better than yourself.” ² And, “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” ³ Ooooh. That cuts to the core!
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