Do you think before you talk? Or in the heat of the moment, do you just blurt out whatever comes to mind? There is nothing less attractive to a man than a woman with an unbridled tongue, a woman who spouts condescending remarks or venomous slurs.
Stop and consider the last time you had a difference of opinion with your husband. Do you tend to pull the “Well you’re just an idiot” card to win the argument?
Proverbs 31:26 says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”
So how are you doing in this area, friend? Would your husband say you are kind in the way you speak to him? Or, a better question- does your husband think you are kind? (Consider that he may not have the courage to say your unkind for fear of retaliation.)
In the number of years my husband and I have been in ministry we have watched wives shred their husbands with harsh words in order to gain control over a situation. While some men may match the intensity of his wives’ tone, many shut down and take on a sort of “yes dear” demeanor just to keep the peace.
So ask yourself: Do I make my husband feel stupid to win an argument?
Do you long to be the apple of your husband’s eye? One way you can draw your husband toward you is to follow the example in Proverbs 31:26, open your mouth with wisdom and kindness. In other words, become dedicated to be a woman of godly speech.
But how, you ask? What are some ways you can be sure you are dedicating yourself to godly speech? Here are some practical steps you can take:
Determine to never make your husband feel inadequate or stupid in public or private. When he makes a mistake, or shares his thoughts, concerns, or ideas with you, be the one person he can count on to be supportive.
When he talks about his ideas, don’t make him feel inferior. If you do, he will likely stop sharing his dreams or confiding in you. You don’t want that, do you?
Speak kind words. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind one to another.” Does your husband cringe when he comes home from work because he wonders whether you are going to meet him with kindness or harshness?
Decide today you will only speak kindness to him when he arrives home. If you do, he will likely come to think you are the most beautiful woman on earth. And he will certainly look forward to coming home to see you.
Always speak well of your husband. When your husband is not around, can he trust that what you say about him will be honorable? Do you affirm him in public and speak highly of his accomplishments, or does he worry you might embarrass him by belittling him or revealing one of his secrets?
Your husband wants—in fact, he needs—you to be proud of him, and to always have his back. Proverbs 31:12 says an excellent wife “does [her husband] good, not evil all the days of his life.”
If you make a constant effort to be your husband’s friend and confidant, he will view your worth as being “far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:1) because he will know he can trust you. And a man who treasures his wife will treat her like a treasure.