As single adults, Tim and Karen met at church. Karen says, “From the moment he walked in the door, Tim was the guy every single woman had their eye on.”
With a twinkle in her eye, Karen told me how delighted she was the first time Tim’s gaze met hers across the crowded sanctuary. And with that gaze, Tim had become the object of her affection.
Karen said, “Since Tim was a bit awkward in his pursuit, I helped him out by finding reasons to talk to or sit by him at church–you know, to encourage him to pursue me.”
Karen smiled as she said, “The day I watched Tim casually saunter across the room to take the seat next to me was the day all the single women knew, This guy’s off the market.”
While they were dating, Karen remembers how difficult it had been for them to keep their hands off of each other. To keep their commitment to remain sexually pure until they were married, Tim and Karen determined not to spend time alone. This meant long talks at the coffee shop, walking hand-in-hand at the park, and lots of fun activities.
Karen recalls, “I seriously couldn’t wait to give myself to Tim in our marriage bed. And since I was so sexually motivated before marriage, I was convinced I would enjoy sex with my husband.”
The honeymoon did not disappoint Tim or Karen, and they thoroughly enjoyed sex for their first two years of marriage. But when Karen took on a job that required her to stand on her feet all day, and Tim’s schedule brought him home late in the evening, their sex life took a back seat to everything else.
Karen remembers thinking, I know we should have sex more often, but I’m just so tired. And Tim doesn’t seem to mind––he never says anything anyway.
As time passed, Tim and Karen found themselves becoming less and less intimate––both in the bedroom, and in the way they related to one another. Every night Tim came home and plopped down in front of the television, while Karen busied herself with social media.
What Tim and Karen did not discuss was how unfulfilled and lonely each were feeling in their marriage. Whenever Tim approached Karen for sex, he felt as though she accommodated out of obligation, not because she wanted him sexually. And since Tim never seemed to pursue her romantically except when he wanted sex, Karen secretly resented Tim’s advances.
Does Tim and Karen’s story sound familiar? I wish I could say their story is not the norm for married Christian couples, but sadly, this scenario is more common than you might think. Can you identify with Karen’s attitude toward sex?
If intimacy in your marriage has become less-than-steamy, it may be time for you to recommit yourself to enjoying sex in marriage. In the same way that God made you to long for intimacy with your husband through romance and conversation, God gave your husband a longing to be affirmed by you through sexual intimacy.
When your husband says he feels better after you have sex with him, you would be wise to understand he is not simply talking about the physical pleasure he experiences through love-making.
He may never be able to put into words the effect making love to you has on his emotional well-being. But it really does impact him in a big way. Determine to pursue your husband sexually, and just watch and see if the results aren’t reflected in his confidence and overall satisfaction with life.*
Listen here to Rhonda teaching: WHAT SEX MEANS TO HIM
For more insights to enjoy intimacy in your marriage read:
A Christian Woman’s Guide to Great Sex in Marriage By Rhonda Stoppe
*Excerpt IF MY HUSBAND WOULD CHANGE I’D BE HAPPY & Other Myths Wives Believe (Harvest House Publishers 2015)